So here we are again with another superhero movie and this time it’s a reboot. No wait it’s a sequel. Is it in the DCEU? I dunno, who cares anymore!
‘The Suicide Squad’ is the second attempt (because the first didn’t get through to Hollywood apparently) to make a movie about a gang of classic, or not so classic, DC villains. You could even call it the third attempt after ‘Birds of Prey’ which was essentially the same shit but with female villains…because muh diversity and representation. So what’s it all about? Gang of supervillains are brought together to help a shady section of the government with a shady operation. That’s it!
So the big carrot on a stick with this new movie (exactly the same as the first) is of course the roster of villains. The first movie roster was essentially crap bar Deadshot (and this was ruined with the casting of Will Smith), this second movie roster is somewhat better, visually at least. Unfortunately we still have to put up with the most overrated character and performances ever with Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn. Feck me I hate this character and spent the entire time (same as the first) wishing she would just get killed, horribly.
But apart from the useless character of Quinn (whose special power is merely being the Joker’s bit of fluff) this time we have Rick Flag, again. Yup, same boring character and same boring actor in Joel ‘not Robocop’ Kinnaman. Bloodsport, another flippin’ merc with gun skills. Haven’t seen that before (Deathstroke, Deadshot, Deadpool etc…). Idris Elba looking like a tired middle-aged dad is Bloodsport. Peacemaker, another merc-type character just like all the rest and meaning there are two on the team, ugh! John ‘I bent the knee to China along with LeBron James’ Cena plays Peacemaker. The Thinker, a sort of crazy-ass equivalent to Professor X. Polka-Dot man, the gimmicky team member who they have made darker. Ratcatcher 2, a young who controls rats? What? And finally the token team monster in King Shark who admittedly looks cool but is ridiculous (and apparently impervious to bullets and falling from heights?).
Yeah so I totally get the gist of this movie don’t get me wrong. I know this is a comicbook flick and it’s not to be taken seriously, but seriously? Firstly the movie is exactly the fecking same as every other comicbook movie, especially the first one! Like come on people! They made another movie identical to the first literally to have another go and hope this time they sell more tickets. It’s the same movie!!! Secondly, it’s dumb as hell. You have the same problem from the first movie wherein some characters don’t even need to be there. Why would you need a young woman who can control rats? Setting aside the inevitable deus ex machina moment of course, why would you need a pied piper? The Thinker does nothing throughout, literally. I felt Polka-Dot man could and should have been more useful with his polka-dot throwing powers but he barely uses them. And as I said before, King Shark looks cool but it is again rarely used and seems to be just there for the overall quirkiness of the team.
Oh I forgot about Weasel, a humanoid, mutant…weasel? Like what the feck is the story of this thing? And he murders children?? What. The. Feck? Is it me or was he stuck in just to try and ride the coattails of Rocket Raccoon somewhat? Albeit in a much darker and tragic way. You know what I mean. I actually found this thing to be kinda disturbing actually, and not in a fun way.
I just can’t help but feel the entire plot of these two movies is cool in thought (probably works better in comicbook form), but just doesn’t work on film. A shady government organization needs elite teams to help save the world from epic-level threats, so they use people who don’t really have the right powers or skills to do so. Random mercs, marksmen, introvert polka-dot guys, a pied piper of rats, insane women who happen to be girlfriends of much bigger badder villains etc…Let’s be honest here, almost all of these characters (in both movies) are in no way suited to battle the enemies they have to face. At least the Guardians of the Galaxy had space tech and a big powerful alien tree mutant. What have these Suicide Squads got? Regular guns, polka-dots, rats, javelins, people who can climb walls, a hungry fish mutant that might eat members of your own team…errr…baseball bats.
I liked how they try to remain faithful to the comicbooks but again that causes some issues (for me). Like why the hell would Peacemaker be wearing a bright red shirt, sparkling white pants, and a shiny metallic toaster on his bonce?? Conspicuous much? And did Polka-Dot man actually need to wear a polka-dot patterned suit? Looked like something from a children’s Saturday morning TV show. Yes I know what the arguments will be here and I fully understand them. This doesn’t mean I think all the characters should be running around in black armour or whatever, but maybe just a touch of realism in some costumes to go with the dark realistic aspects of the movie. Just a touch.
Yes I admit this was definitely better than the first movie, but that ain’t much to shout about. The opening sequence being a ruse was bloody obvious from the get-go seeing as we know those weren’t the characters we’ve been told about for months and months. Good thing too because they looked even worse than the ones we actually got. The main villain they fight was…a space starfish…so there’s that. Actually appreciated how original that was for once. Although it was just another ‘large CGI monster destroying everything’ finale (haven’t seen that before…sigh!).
The fact that the squad won the day via a literal tidal wave of rats that apparently had no issues with eating an alien starfish from the inside out, was a bit bizarre. Yeah I know they are rats and wouldn’t have too many qualms about what they’re eating but…yikes! And that many rats?
The effects were very good, unsurprisingly. King Shark looked very cool, very realistic, very scary. Some people’s worst nightmare I’m sure. I wouldn’t go anywhere near the thing. The giant starfish looked pretty sweet. A nice hokey throwback to sci-fi of the 1950’s, in my opinion. Acting was fine, nothing special. The humour felt strained to me, reaching, trying to mine that Marvel gold but failing (not that I’m a Marvel fan). But as said the plot was throwaway trash. The concept has been milked to death and despite what you might hear there are zero surprises anywhere. It’s all been done now people, the moment has well and truly passed.
Oh and in the end, after all that action, two of the characters you thought were dead, aren’t. So there you go. Nothing mattered, no tension, no consequences, no one dies meaning they can come back again for the inevitable sequel which will inevitably be the same shit all over again (except that probably won’t happen because the movie has tanked). I’m shocked! (I’m not shocked).
(Harley Quinn is a shit character)